Meet the coolest guy I know. He is a Buddhist monk. Much of what I have learned about mindfulness has been taken from Buddhism.
Kusala is an extraordinary man. He is funny, charming and so worldly wise.
I dare you to watch a video and not be captivated by his words.
If you are feeling down, he will raise you. If you are feeling lost he may just help give you some direction.
The one thing he is certain to do is give you an insight into Mindfulness through the eyes of a Buddhist.
...It still hurts.
Once again I have been reminded of how I must remain within my bubble. Mistakenly I ventured out to tell the World (IE a "guitar forum") about the forthcoming Eastman SB59 which I have been bursting to tell people about for the past 12 months. It has finally launched and I can now "show" my excitement publicly.
Without boring you with the details within minutes of my arrival the comments begin "Look whose entered the room" was one comment, then followed another "If they are any good they will sell and if they are not they will end up like all the other brands Richard has backed"....
Following a lifetime of suffering anxiety I have studied my own personality over and over. I have learnt so much about psychology, what makes people behave the way they do, why I behave the way I do and this has led me to such wonderful things such as Budism and mindfulness that have benefited me in extraordinary ways. I have had many a wonderful discussion with customers who shared their own experiences which again make my life so much more enriched.
But.... the words still hurts like hell when people talk about you like you are not even there and will happily say anything about your personality without a care in the world of the damage it does.
If I am to give anything positive from this to pass on to you..... let me think.... (I will find it!) ... maybe you (and I) have to remember you know your value and for gods sake (and your own) stop worrying about who else does.
I don't need to prove to anyone who I am, what I am or what my values are. I don't need anyones acceptance if I know in my heart I am true to myself and my own values.
....Still hurts though doesn't it!
Well it happened again... bum... another sleepless night and concern over how I am perceived by the outside World.
I keep an eye on my stats as to where visitors come from and noticed an increase from the http://www.thefretboard.co.uk community. Check it out - if you want a good forum (and you go in unknown) its a great place to talk about guitars.
Two seperate threads had linked to my shop. One regarding the wonderful Maybach guitars - the other was regarding the wonderful developments in the world of Gordon Smith.
Within moments of my posting the same ol' people whose names I recognized (one or two who have also contributed to another online hate site dressed up as a consumer reviews site) begin their digs.
As Kandee mentions in the video below - it doesn't matter how many positive comments you get - how many peoples lives you help in a positive way - ALL you can focus on when you have a sensitive disposition are the haters.
In my attempts to rationalize and explain my views I merely dig the hole bigger and bigger - the end result being a total melt down of any civilized conversation and complete loss of ability to discuss the topic I wanted to enjoy contributing to.
In life there is always balance and if you are positively charged, negatively charged people will tend to remove your positive energy through their negativity. This video helps me keep a hold of that energy for myself.
With all that said, here is a BRILLIANT video for anyone who feels they suffer emotionally from the results of online bullying in any form. Kandee is beautiful inside and out and a real positive inspiration (my kids love watching her make up videos which are amazing). If you are feeling down you cannot help but be uplifted.
Also - if you are someone who is quick to speak negatively about people on forums without considering how it effects them personally it is probably MORE important that you watch the video too. You may realize there is something missing in your life that causes you to be this way.
If you have not watched Russell Brands YouTube channel "Trews News" it may be because you are a victim of another post I have discussed "Theoretical Vs Practical Reality" whereby you think you know something (theoretical) and this knowledge that you believe you know prevents you from developing your understanding in "practice". In other words you may think Russell Brand is just an annoying comedian who has nothing to contribute to your wider understanding of the World. Oh my you would be so wrong!
Please do me a favor and watch just todays video - they come out daily following news events.
His views are fresh and untainted by media and government propaganda - you will find a very different World than what you have painted for you by the mainstream....
Well I suppose it is a great example of theoretical vs practical reality! In theory our news is there to provide a balanced representation of World Events but in truth it is engineered to ensure our thoughts and beliefs fit a wider agenda that we rarely know about.
What Russell is doing on a daily basis is very similar (but so much more important) to what I see and have to deal with in my industry.
Please continue to question everything you read, everything you watch - whether its World News, Guitar Press, Online Media or your local friendly guitar retailer.
My brother is working with children who have troubled lives for one reason or another. Many from families who are living in poverty as you may expect but equally from children who have lived privileged backgrounds. They have been given "everything" - well materialistically everything.
Rather than focusing on his line of work I want to mention something that really struck a chord with me personally this past week and I thought back to one of my brothers "techniques" to remind myself of my own value.
As with the children that my brother visits, I personally thrive on "acceptance" and "appreciation". I am driven by making people happy in my adult life as children may do to gain acceptance in their own world. With children however they do not have the foresight or life experience to understand that if they don't get that acceptance or gratitude - if they don't get the praise and appreciation for their efforts - that doesn't make them worthless. Their value is true to them and very very real.
Inner peace and strength comes from knowing that you are being true to yourself and being the best you can be. If nobody else notices or wants to think contrary to your knowledge of who you are then that is "their loss" as the old saying goes.
To demonstrate this philosophy to the children my brother revealed a nice crispy £50 note. The kids eyes opened wide. No doubt they were already looking at this lovely recently printed note and wondering what they would spend it on! At which point he threw began to crumple the note up in his fist. The children looked on with anxiety in fear that something bad was going to happen! Once he had screwed the £50 note up he threw it into the dirt, trod it down, scuffed it up and kicked it into a dirty puddle where it lay floating looking pretty sick and "worthless" you could say. Certainly worthless to anyone who may wonder past. Nobody other than these children would know that this crumpled up, wet, dirty scrap of paper was was actually worth £50.
"So" my brother asked, "What is the £50 worth now?".
The penny began to drop and a discussion was had on understanding their value, believing in their value - even when others around them are questioning it or simply ignoring it.
Our self worth is questioned throughout our lives so don't allow others to undermine your knowledge or your truth of who you are.
Something I love to talk about almost it seems on a daily basis is theoretical reality Vs Practical reality!! The two are not quite the same....
In theory, when I wake up in the morning and make my way to work, any number of theoretical tragedies could unfold from slipping over on the soap in the bathroom through to crashing my car on the 1 mile trip to my shop. In practice however I don't let these details overshadow my day! I am mindful of the possibilities, am aware of their existence but I allow my practical mind to stop me worrying and getting bogged down in all the "what ifs".
So.... how does this all pan out in the Wold of Guitar Buying? Here is how...
Theoretical Reality #1
" Wood types govern the tone of the guitar, so I will opt out of certain acoustic instruments due to the wood used in production. "
In practice there are so many variables that effect the overal tone of the guitar that you cannot exclude ANY wood type when trying/experimenting with guitars. I have witnessed so many rules of tone being broken over the years that anyone who focuses on "theoretical reality" will not benefit from one of the greatest experiences which is "testing your own pre-conceptions".
Theoretical Reality #2
"I wouldn't buy an acoustic with a cutaway as I have heard it destroys the tone"
I would like to believe I have a good ear for acoustic tone after the many years (nearly 2 decades) of testing thousands of them pre sale with the desire to expand my experiences. I have to say hand on heart that I would like to believe I COULD tell you which brand of guitar is being played in my store - blind. I should be able to get close on the model too. However, if you put 6 Stonebridge GS23 CR models and 6 GS23 CR C models (cutaway option) I could NOT tell you which is which. The reason? Each guitar will have its own personal sound cutaway or not - although every guitar will share the tonal VOICE of the GS23CR. Trying to differentiate between the tonal variance caused by the guitars personal characteristics and that of the cutaway - well that would be beyond my ear for sure! So once again, the theory is sound - of course the cutaway has "an" effect on the tone but its not one we should practically allow ourselves to cloud our judgement.
Theoretical Reality #3
"An all solid wood acoustic is the best"
Whilst once again the theory is sound, manufacturers prey on the uninitiated by providing "specification" that sells the product without even having to play one. Just remember that a poorly manufactured instrument will always sound poor regardless of what it said on paper (the theory). Transversely a well made acoustic built from knowledge and experience can sound fantastic even from basic materials. This is another reason to focus on practice IE the practicality of playing! Trying and exploring. Being mindful allows you to experience a moment without prior judgement - sometimes this is essential to get a true picture. If your mind is full of theory (theoretical knowledge / "reality") these can be totally at odds with the practical reality you are experiencing and you must not allow these "theories" to overshadow your own reality in practice (practical reality!). What is real is what you are experiencing NOW.
This list of theoretical Vs practical realities is almost endless - I would be writing all night if I gave you all of them. This post is really about getting you to challenge the theories and be aware that in practice even something that is theoretically "correct" is not always worth worrying yourself over and certainly not worthy of changing your chosen path or worse still - stopping you from taking the path at all.
Recently I watched a wonderful 30 minute lecture/discussion with a Buddhist Monk - It really was fascinating.
One of the things I will never forget was his discussion on the benefit of "thinking before we speak". I think I am right in saying that Buddhism really is about love and very much anti "anger/hatred/confrontation" and one aspect of the discussion led to a technique in ensuring you do not react in a hostile manner to any form of abuse.
This immediately hit home. Recently I have been the victim of abuse. A specific online "consumer website" enables private anonymous posters to say what they like about businesses - well now I have been targeted and over the past few months I have been getting angrier.... and angrier.... and angrier with these posts to the point I have been getting tied up in replying, ranting and basically humiliating myself. On reflection, I have reviewed my posts and yep.... I do come across as one spanner short of a toolkit (is that the phrase?).
Even more recently (in the past few days) I have received a plethora of hate emails some of which have been incredibly hurtful, upsetting - to the point you find it hard to understand how they can write such stuff to another human being... all because I set up a new forum (a positive development for the community I thought!) and current subscribers all began receiving "site notifications" which they wouldn't have expected to receive - especially if they haven't used the forum for the past 7 years!!!!!!! (OK - In hindsight I wish I had the technical knowledge to have avoided this!!)
But the bottom line is - it was an error of judgement - no more - no less. Did that warrant the abuse I received? No doubt I will be branded by many as a "spammer" but ultimately I know it was as I say - an error of judgement by a technically illiterate guitarist.
Soooo..... where am I going with all this? Back to the buddhist!
He said "Wouldn't it be nice if you had a time machine. A time machine that could take you to the future for you to witness the events that unfold following your actions. You could view them and decide whether indeed your actions were for the better. If not, you could turn back time and do the right thing".
But as he quite rightly and fairly obviously pointed out - we don't have a time machine. In fact, we only have current time and split seconds at that - to decide on our action (or reaction) and whether it will be for better or for worse. Sometimes, without the time machine we won't make the right decision.
It is SO difficult for me personally to be so wise in the face of abuse but I will remember the monks wise words.
Nobody can make you angry. Only YOU can make yourself angry by reacting "possibly" unwisely in the face of abuse. Everyone has a choice in life - we can all get angry or we can try and accept we are all different and people make mistakes. We cannot all be perfect all the time. We will make the wrong decisions and there will probably always be someone there to witness it - to remind you and at worst to abuse you! The most powerful response I believe is acceptance of their actions. Once you have accepted their action - no reaction is required.
You just move on to the next thought.... Hmmm... well I will give it a go anyway.